This is one of the Miss Tiffany contestants from 2009 in Thailand, and it's probably one of the hottest babes that's actually a dude you've ever seen. Thailand is world-renown for its Katoeys (transgender/transvestite peoples), and they often work in the bars of Bangkok, Pattaya, and Phuket to save up for that expensive surgery, which Thailand is also well-known for. But, according to some culture warrior types, the new Obamacare plan may allow for taxpayer dollars to pay for these types of operations in the States. From Politico:

A senior aide to a Republican senator said that a public insurance plan could easily end up covering sex-change procedures if that’s not specifically banned in the bill.

“It's not that hard to imagine that a new federal health plan crafted and implemented by this administration would cover sex-change surgeries. Anything not explicitly prohibited in the bill is effectively on the table. Most Americans probably would prefer that their tax dollars not pay for or subsidize transgender surgery,” the aide said.

The obvious libertarian take on this issue is that people can live their life however they want, just don't expect me to pay for it. But as government increasingly gets mixed up in every facet of human existence, it puts the libertarian in an ethical dilemma where you are forced to side with either progressives (who want to spend everybody's money, as they see fit) or social conservatives (who want to tell everybody how to live, as they see fit). There isn't really a viable position one can take in this case, and a true libertarian alternative isn't going to come around in this lifetime or the next the way things are going.

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The title alone is a reference to the John Carpenter classic, so you know the documentary has got to be good. It takes a look at the seedy side of Thailand and how if you're a tourist here, you're going to either end up getting fleeced by the locals or in Thai prison for a 10-year stretch. Not exactly everyone's experience, but who doesn't love a little bit of sensationalism!

However, if you act like a rowdy and drunken boob, you can probably get in trouble in any country. And as for sheisty locals ripping off the throngs of rubes on holiday, remember the rule of thumb that the better English they speak, the more sketchy they are.

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Since I have to go to the countryside for my job (where English is not often spoken), I've been trying to navigate the Thai language. Five tones, no similarities to English, and frequently getting laughed at for my mispronunciation has contributed to the struggle. But, I'm making progress and I guess that's what is important or some shit. Anyhoo, the books available for foreigners to learn Thai are in the 800-1600 baht range (25-50 bucks), but the books for Thais to learn English are only like 100-200 baht (3-6 bucks). Being a cheap bastard, you can guess which ones I pick up.

This one I bought yesterday is entitled ไวยากรณ์ อังกฤษ (wai-yaa-gawn Ang-Grit or English Grammar) However, I question the choice of icons for the English-speaking world used on this book's cover:
Uh, I guess the Eiffel Tower is in London now.

But, the cutesy cartoon characters in the margins of the lessons more than make up for this crass error:

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Clip from the classic film PCU

Just when you thought you escaped the eggheaded busybodies in your home country that are quickly sending America down the tubes, you read about some non-Thai guy getting offended because he was called...a foreigner! I sure hope the ACLU has a chapter out here in Bangkok.

The Thai word "farang (ฝรั่ง)" means "Non-Asian Foreigner" and, being a white guy in an Asian country and not speaking the language well, that would be a pretty accurate description for me. But a gentleman on a Bangkok Post seems to take deep offense when someone states the obvious:

This and various other objectionable uses of the f word are endured by Westerners every day in the LOS. I loath and despise this word and know that many others feel the same way.

However I also know that Thailand is a developing country, and relatively speaking, is not very multi cultural. I should be patient someone may tell me. However is it too much to expect the English language press, the expatriate community, and the educated Thai classes to have an understanding of why most of the uses of this word are objectionable, so that when I explain to my partner why I don't want my daughter learning it, I can point to the fact that I am not alone?

Thailand's not "multi-cultural" enough? When Hillary was out here last week, he should've asked her to deploy a team of sensitivity czars to correct this problem.

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A friendly สวัสดีค่ะ(Hello) from Hillary

Phew! Good thing they didn't send Biden, he probably would've remarked on their "funny looking oriental clothes" or something. Hillary is wrapping up a successful diplomatic visit to Thailand. From Xinhua:

Meanwhile, Thailand's Foreign Minister Kasit Piromya, who also joined the press conference with Clinton, said the United States and Thailand promises to strengthen the bilateral tie.

In addition to that, the two countries will work closely within the ASEAN context particularly in the ASEAN-U.S. dialogue and also in the other regional organizations, Kasit said.

The United States has reaffirmed its continued interest and full participation for the well-being of the Asia-Pacific region and Southeast Asia's peace and security development, Kasit said.

Libertarian-Feminist Kerry Howley notes that it's often embarrassing to be an ex-pat because our leaders are "hubristic". From where I'm sitting, I don't know what the fuck Howley is talking about (even though I usually agree with her). Hillary Clinton is trying to voice U.S. interests in the region of promoting free trade and stopping aggression from rogue states. Uh, isn't that what diplomats are supposed do? Let our nation's foreign-policy interests be known?

Besides, it's not embarrassing to be an American in Thailand. Besides my own personal experience, I can cite this poll which shows that 21% of women from Northeastern Thailand (Isaan) prefer American husbands (trailing slightly behind the Brits). Isn't that what's most important when living abroad, the local women?

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So Far, So Good! (photo of Hillary Clinton with Thai PM Abhisit from BP)

It's pretty tough to fuck up diplomatic relations with a country that is generally welcoming of foreigners and has had friendly ties with the US for over 100 years. About the only way to do it would be to insult the King, knock over a Buddha statue during a drunken bender, or con your way out of a bar fine. And I'm proud to say our country's top diplomat has not done any of these losing-face gaffes as of 8:30pm in Bangkok. Uh, U-S-A, U-S-A. From Wall Street Journal:

Total trade between the U.S. and Asean exceeded $178 billion in 2008, and, in an opinion piece Mrs. Clinton wrote that was published in Bangkok newspapers Tuesday, she said "there is no doubt that our economies' fortunes and our nations' futures are more intertwined than ever before."

Some regional analysts see the Asean grouping as the kernel of a broader free trade bloc spanning the Pacific and also encompassing China, Japan, South Korea. Mrs. Clinton is scheduled to sign a non-aggression pact with Asean in Phuket, as China did in 2003, which diplomats say could enable the U.S. to later enmesh itself within the so-called East Asia Summit group, which includes the ten Asean members plus trade partners China, India, Japan, South Korea, New Zealand and Australia.

The free trade stuff with Southeast Asia is all well and good, and she's trying to get the ASEAN countries to put the squeeze on the usual suspects (Islamic terrorists, North Korea, Burma), which is good as well. I'll give her bonus points if she can calm the country down about this CIA black site business.

Believe it or not, besides her scary offical cabinet photo, I have a lot of confidence in Hillary as the Secretary of State. IMHO of a good diplomat, you need someone smart, well-educated, and the ability to be conniving and manipulative while putting on a bullshit smile, something Hillary Clinton has in droves.

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"Adolf Hitler Good Movie On"

Spotted this strange creation at Bangkok's monstrous JJ market yesterday. I'd like to say this is the first time I've seen Hitler's mug being used in jest on a Thai T-shirt, but that wouldn't be true. I guess I'm lucky to be from a country where sporting Nazi paraphernalia would make you about as popular as an H1N1 outbreak. The only people seriously interested in reviving the Third Reich are uneducated rednecks and Obama's creepy, eugenicist science adviser.

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Pandas are kind of like the Michael Moores of the animal kingdom. They're fat, stupid, and receive an obscene amount of media coverage. Sure, anyone who's anyone wants good diplomatic relations with China, but the Thai media's obsession with the baby panda has gone too far and I feel compelled to speak out. AP has the details on this wretched beast's debut at the Chiang Mai Zoo:

The baby panda is tiny enough to be held in the hands of a zoo staffer.

Thais have been captivated by the cub since her birth May 27. For six years, the zoo had tried to mate its two adult pandas, both on loan from China. They held a mock wedding for the pair, showed the male, Chuang Chuang, "porn" videos of pandas mating, and finally turned to artificial insemination.

Newspapers have reported the baby panda's milestones and the public's reaction, including a giant cake measuring 4 feet by 5 feet (1.2 meters by 1.6 meters) donated by a Chiang Mai bakery to celebrate her one-month birthday. Some Chiang Mai hotels are offering special "meet the panda" rates for the next few months.

First off, any male who has trouble "mating" in the "Land of Smiles" has some serious problems with their libido. Second, the traditional animal of Thailand, the elephant (chaang/ช้าง) is a far more majestic creature capable of everything from playing soccer to warding off Burmese invaders. As an added bonus, it's part of a species that isn't keen on mauling humans.

I'm not alone in this sentiment, as many Thai zookeepers are fighting back against this existential threat to Thailand's national sovereignty and pride:

With announcements of a 20 million baht snow house being built for the Panda family the keepers are wondering just why Thailand has forgotten that the Elephant is their national symbol.

Aside from speaking up about the problem the Elephant keepers at the Ayutthaya-Elephant Kraal have taken it one step further by painting five of their elephants to look like Pandas. This attention grabbing effort seems to be doing the job as Thai people are not only noticing but applauding their efforts. Although rumor has it some Panda lovers are slightly irked.

Note: I'm not just defending the elephant because I've become more right-wing lately, but I do find it surprisingly convenient.

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Things aren't looking so good for Thailand, my second favorite country. The Prime Minister's vehicle got trashed at the ASEAN economic summit in Pattaya Beach while the rest of the world leaders attending had to get evacuated off the roof due to throngs of angry protesters. Bangkok Pundit has up to date news on the state of emergency and Austin Bush has some excellent photographs of the military being dispatched against the protesters and a bus that got burnt to a crisp. Thai New Year festivities (Songkran) got cancelled in Bangkok, which totally blows. Imagine if a bunch of Code Pink types were able to stop the ball from dropping in Times Square on New Year's since they blocked off a bunch of intersections with some "Impeach Bush" puppet show.

Matt Yglesias and the NY Times have a simplified background for us en-edumucated Americans that's helpful if you're not up to speed on the political situation in Thailand. It has to do with supporters of the ousted former Prime Minister Thaksin (supported by the "red-shirts") trying to take down Prime Minister Abhisit (supported by the "yellow-shirts" who shut down the airport last year)...I think. Thaksin's base is primarily in the rural upcountry areas, and everyone I talked to in Bangkok (including working-class folks that his populist stance is supposed to appeal to) thought the guy was a corrupt piece of shit.

But as a farang, you pretty much don't get into any political diatribes unless you want your visa revoked. A simple "Long Live the King" and you should be golden. Also, subtly pulling for whatever side the military is on is the stance you wanna take to avoid trouble if shit gets outta hand, which is good advice for any foreign country.

Supposedly, it's easy for some pasty-skinned, fanny-packed farang like me and Michael Yon to avoid the political calmity in Thailand just because none of the protests have been anti-Western in nature, but, nevertheless, the tourism industry is getting clobbered. This is especially true in Pattaya, which is kind of like Sodom and Gomorrah except with neon and better looking women. From AFP:

"Now in the bars there are only bar girls, no tourists. People are walking around but not spending money. Where before a guy might have drunk six beers, now he will have only two."

Norton, also a regular visitor to Pattaya with 15 visits under his belt, said he was now forced to haggle with the working girls.

"Haven't they heard of the credit crunch? They think they've got problems, you should see the problems I've got. The pound used to be worth 75 baht and now it's only 50 baht," he said.

The working girls say that bar takings are down as much as 50 percent and that while regular sex tourists are still around, newcomers have been scared away.

Kaew Yoowan, who like most of the bar girls is a farmer's daughter from Thailand's impoverished northeast, said the hoped-for surge of customers from the summit -- which drew delegations from 16 nations -- never materialised.

"I know there is a big meeting here but it is not helping business. They are not coming out," the 28-year-old said sadly.

A bartender in Pattaya once told me there was about 25,000-50,000 working ladies in town. That's enough to start a small, mini-skirted army and rid the streets of protesters, but that may be a bit unorthodox. Ironically, many of the working women are from the more rural Isan area and send a lot of their money back home. So while the red shirts may be fighting for more prosperity in the upcountry areas, they're simultaneously killing a huge cash cow by scaring off potential tourists. Whatever, democracy never makes sense no matter which country you go to.

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So, most of the people I talked to in Bangkok were optimistic about President O, and I tried to do the polite guest thing and was gracious (despite my own political leanings). However, they were kind of miffed that America's foreign policy was ignoring our longtime ally in Southeast Asia, exhibited during SECSTATE Hillary's visit to the region. From the Bangkok Post:

But here in Thailand, it is nearly a month into the Obama presidency without a word from the new government in Washington. Since the US election last November, Thai exports to the US have slumped because of the recession. The business community grows increasingly worried that the new administration is determined to press protectionist measures. The ill-timed "Buy American" campaign is part and parcel of renewed calls for the US to pressure its friends and trading partners on labour issues, intellectual property piracy and the environment. Mrs Clinton will be specifically pushing this week for more action on global warming. Mr Obama, who confused Thailand with Taiwan during a campaign speech last year in his only mention of our country, will visit Indonesia later this year.

Well, you can't expect the Secretary of State to visit every single country in the region, but you could've at least asked her to not so blatantly excuse human rights violations committed by the communist country of China. Hot Air has the details:

Amnesty International and a pro-Tibet group voiced shock Friday after US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton vowed not to let human rights concerns hinder cooperation with China.

Paying her first visit to Asia as the top US diplomat, Clinton said the United States would continue to press China on long-standing US concerns over human rights such as its rule over Tibet.

“But our pressing on those issues can’t interfere on the global economic crisis, the global climate change crisis and the security crisis,” Clinton told reporters in Seoul just before leaving for Beijing.

Seeing how much of our monstrous debt is carried by the Chinese in the form of Treasury Notes, it's no wonder that she has to grovel at their feet. That's too bad for the Tibetans and Chinese bloggers getting mysteriously shanked in bathroom stalls, but American politicians have to keep up our ridiculous standard of living somehow.

Execution of a Tibetan Dissident, Tough Shit for Them

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I apologize for not having written in awhile, but I've been out of the country for a job interview and orientation in Bangkok, plus I have to get all the shit in my house ready to move out. ABWF asked me to write something about the experience so here it goes. They say that spending time in far off lands gets you some perspective on your home country, and that was certainly evident in my recent escapades. I'm going to work for an NGO that promotes economic development in rural areas in Thailand and Cambodia later this year. They took me to some villages in the Isan (Northeastern) area of Thailand, which is characterized as the most economically depressed and depending mostly on agriculture. I wasn't sure what to expect, but it wasn't similar to wandering into a bamboo hut village in the middle of the jungle like in old Vietnam movies and it was anything but pathetic.

Everywhere you look people were loading up trucks full of rice bound for the markets in the city. Children were busying themselves going to and from schools on scooters. And, vendors were attempting to sell us coconuts with the tops chopped off for 10-20 baht a piece. In short, these people were working diligently to improve their situation and not waiting on the revolving door government in Bangkok to come give them a handout.

If you compare this reality with what's happening in America, it's downright frightening to experience how quickly our own country is declining due to our lack of gumption. The massive government giveaway program was passed by the President while I was away and our deficit is expected to approach WWII-era levels, which is no small chunk of change. It comes as no surprise that the stock market continues to tank as there is little hope for prosperity in the future under such a crushing amount of debt as politicians continue to buy voting blocs off with tax dollars. Instead of pulling ourselves up by the proverbial bootstraps, most Americans just seem to be looking for more handouts to continue funding living beyond our own means. The well-deserved rant of CNBC's Santelli against using taxpayer dollars to pay for people's irresponsible investment in the real estate market was met with scorn by the White House Press Secretary. I didn't know that it was the White House's job to attack critical media, but I guess Gibbs is taking notes from the Hugo Chavez playbook. These rubes received extensive tax breaks to build their little shrines to their own egos out in the burbs, and now we have to bail out these assholes? Fuck that. And look how these sheisters are repaying us using the Puget Sound area as an example.

The traffic from Seattle to suburban Bellevue is a complete clusterfuck and in serious need of better mass transit options to alleviate congestion and uphold Washington state's green image. But skeezy homeowners are already mounting opposition. From the Seattle Times:

But that convenience would unleash construction, congestion and noise upon the area, and some neighborhood residents are determined to keep light rail away from their streets.

"I believe when we bought into this neighborhood we bought into the single-family lifestyle," said Renay Bennett, president of the Bellecrest Neighborhood Association. "We like the 'burbs."

What the hell. It's like people want to live in their own little enclaves with all the benefits of civilizations minus all the inconveniences. Hemingway was certainly correct when he opined years ago on the suburbs as having "Wide Lawns and Narrow Minds". Because of attitudes like this, I have great pessimism about the future of America. This, of course, kills me to say, because I want America to be the best and brightest and spent 6.5 years in her service. But, looking at modern trends and our sad attempt to live in a Ponzi economy, it just seems like we are going to wither away. Our best bet is going to be to make sauces and trinkets for Asian tourists who come visit our country to see what a fallen giant looks like. They say that the children are our future, but looking at how they are perceiving our current fundamentals, they aren't inspiring confidence either.

(pic from Moonbattery)

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