I need for you to know

I need to be more clear

My signals were not enough

And so now clarity will bring understanding

I need for you to know



You need to leave me be

Allow me my own time

To decide where to go next

Take my cues and understand

That you just need to leave me be



I’m a man striving for my own happiness

Though I have no idea what that looks like

Career? Wealth? Friendship? Or love?

I just don’t know

But I continue to strive for my own happiness



I need to right my own ship

And set my own life straight

Lots of soul searching to do

And thoughts to be thought

So I can right my own ship



Right now I’m all about myself

Working on the things

That get me through my days and my nights

In hopes of a clearer tomorrow

Right now I’m all about myself



I’m not so sure what you see in me

That makes me so special in your eyes

I feel I have nothing to give, lost in my world

Enjoying yet dreading the solitude of my life

I don’t really know what you see in me



Love will come again one day, I’m sure

And I’ll know it when I feel it

It may sweep me up unexpectedly

Or be right there where it always was

But love will come again one day



I want you to understand

That right now I have no love to pursue

None for you, nor for anyone else

No time for love, only for life

This I need you to understand



Should the day arrive

When I believe that you’re the one

I’ll come to you with arms wide open

And rejoice in the joy of love again

Should the day arrive



Just don’t pin your hopes up

There’s no promise in my words

Who’s to say anyway

That you’d still be around

Just don’t pin your hopes up



Please don’t dream a fruitless dream

Take heed my words

Love has no rhyme or reason

And one way love is a hopeless love

So don’t dream a dream that may never happen



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Happy Hump Day everyone! It’s yet another beautiful summer day on Long Island and here I sit in my office, in the middle of the day, typing away, lol. This is my last bit of writing for the day, thankfully, and then I can get on with doing stuff I should be doing…outside! Here’s the latest from my so called life…





Photo Source: cbs news



Come on Irene!



For the first time in a long time, we here in the northeast are under watch for the latest hurricane, Irene, which seems to be heading in our direction. We’ve had these types of warnings many times in the past and a lot of them turned out to be nothing more than some rain and a little wind, and I hope that’s the case this time, too. They’re saying Sunday, so anything can happen between now and then. We haven’t had one since I bought my house in 98 and I shudder to think about one hitting here full force because I have a lot of trees in my yard. Fingers crossed and stay tuned…





Photo Source: Watt's Up With That?



Earthquake? What Earthquake?



I think I am probably the only person I know who didn’t feel the Earth trembling at yesterday’s earthquake, which struck in Virginia but was felt all over the Eastern Seaboard. I spoke to a couple of people who felt it around 2PM, but I didn’t even know about it until much later. They say it’s the strongest earthquake to ever hit the area at 5.6 on the Richter, and of course the end-of-the-worlders are out in full force. Gimme a break!







Opening up



As I told you the other day, I’ve been struggling a lot lately with the things I put on this blog. It all started when I got a nasty and derogatory email from a reader that made me do a lot of thinking. More than a week has passed now and several friends have given me cause to keep doing what I’m doing and not be affected by such malicious nonsense. After all, this is my space and if anyone doesn’t want to read it, they don’t have to.



Though I have no idea specifically what the emailer was referring to in his rant, I had removed a piece I thought he might have been responding to, a poem about my recent face to face encounter with him. At the moment I have no plans to republish it in full, but here’s an abridged version of the original that I had penned a week ago Sunday:



Yet another regretful episode in this muddled story

A chance meeting unforeseen

At almost the very spot where we first met

We’d both imagined this in our minds

Yet neither could know what really to expect



It all happened so suddenly

I looked up with disbelieving eyes into your face

And saw you looking into mine

And in a flash, all I could think of to do was turn and run

But you saw me as I saw you and called to me from behind



At that point, the deed was done

The circumstance of our encounter was settled

You were excited and I was terrified

My reaction dampened your evening and mine

The latest in a series of miscommunications between us



Running away was not the mature thing to do

Yet it was an impulse borne out of months of despair

And yes, anger, at the very thought of you

I regret the action and wish I could take it back

But what’s done cannot be undone



I don’t know how you expected me to react

With a smile and a hug, perhaps

Some genuine catching up of old friends

I laid it all out for you the last time

In a way I believed to be noble and complete



Whatever happens from here forth

Please understand that there were reasons for my action

Perhaps a little subconscious hurt thrown your way

In return for the hurt I’d endured

A little bit of karma in action



I know you couldn’t see

Through all of the discomfort between us

That deep down it was nice to see you again

In the flesh

The same person I so cared for once upon a time



So take good care of yourself

I’m happy to hear you’re in a better place these days

Should there be a next time, don’t worry

I promise not to turn my back again

Next time I’ll flash you a brilliant smile, I promise!



Reading this over once again, I don’t think there's anything about it I need to feel bad about writing, either on myself or on him. It's just the openness and feeling that I always express in my writing, no matter the subject. Yes, my experiences with him were some tough moments in my life and even though I’m in a good place now, contact of any sort inevitably brings back memories, bad and good. So I make no apologies for penning the piece, and I’m glad to share it once again with you.



It’s funny, but things have taken a sad turn even since I wrote the piece. After not having seen him for seven months, I ran into him three straight times at Splash, the last time being last night. Though I meant what I said in the last stanza, things haven’t gone exactly that way in subsequent encounters. There’s kind of a distant iciness there now, like we're both sort of pretending not to see each other while we’re standing just a few feet away. It's weird and uncomfortable, and no fun at all. I guess the circumstances from that night have brought us to this, starting with my reaction almost two weeks ago.



It’s a little unnerving and sad, but I guess that’s just the way it’s going to be. At least there’s just one more week of Splash Tuesdays and/or Thursdays for me, and so I’ll return to going there on Saturdays again afterwards and these random contacts shouldn’t happen anymore anyway.



Related post: Untitled



Writing Wednesdays



Well, I already missed the second week of Writing Wednesdays, and so here are links to some of the pieces I’ve been up to…



Gather



Amy Winehouse Tributes by Green Day, Coldplay and at the VMAs



Gaga’s “You and I” exemplifies her musical versatility



Spotlight on new music releases for the week of August 22nd



Preview of the 2011 VMAs



Yahoo Contributor Network



Elton John's Top Twenty Songs



Pesto: Easy, Delicious and Versatile



Volunteer's Corner: Working to Protect and Preserve the Environment of Long Island and Beyond



What Are You Listening To? Summer 2011



Examiner



Fun outdoor activities on Long Island this weekend



H is for "High Rise"



During my "Song of the Day" posting in dedication to Nick Ashford, who passed away yesterday, I mentioned another of Ashford and Simpson songs that I loved whose title just happens to start with the letter "H," the next letter in our Z-A Blogger's Challenge. Bonus! The vid's a little grainy, but the song is oh so sweet sounding! Enjoy!











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Sometimes I wish I’d never met you
Then I wouldn’t have had to endure the pain.
You’ve given me the highest of highs
And the lowest of lows
Forlorn times that I wish I’d never experienced

You called to say you’re sorry
And I believe you!
I wish I could just say, “that’s okay,”
But I can’t
For the way you treated me was too hard a pill to swallow

I thought I meant more than that, and maybe I did
For months later you’ve worked up the courage
To tell me so in your own way,
That cutting me off without word was “unfair.”
You only forgot to say that it was also hurtful

It’s been months and I don’t really know what to say
Yet another new place for this tired soul
Through your apology I can still see
The man I once cared for
A decent, kind character with a big heart

Yes, bad memories abound unfortunately
What was once so bright
Now seems like a Dark Age from the past
And I, too, now look upon our time
With sadness and regret

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time
Take the good moments while they lasted
And not get too enamored
Or too complacent
With the small world we shared together for a short while

I have no such power, though I wish I did
For then the hole in my heart wouldn’t be there
The hole you left when you departed from my life
The one that leaves me
With the sadness I still carry

You see that I am enjoying life
Maybe yes, from the outside
But smiles sometimes cloak melancholy.
It’s okay, though
The despair has almost reached its ebb

Yes, I’m recovered, but as you can see there is still hurt
Golden opportunities don’t present themselves often enough
And I feel as if I’d missed mine
Hopefully you’ve found what you were searching for
A respite from the storm, a long-awaited peace

As for me, well I keep going
Living my life searching for my happiness
I deserve it
We all deserve happiness
And I hope you’ve finally found yours

Sometimes I wish you’d never gone away
That way I’d still get to smile
At your beautiful face
And your playful, endearing ways
But what’s past is past, and we move on

Maybe one day we’ll cross paths once again
And the past can stay past
I think I’d like that, and maybe you would, too
But not too fast of course
There’s still some healing to be done

So thank you for reaching out
It was a surprise, no doubt
At least now when I think of you
I’ll remember that soul that’s still out there
That kind, caring soul that is you!


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Though I’m still nowhere near the others in the A-Z Challenge, I continue today with “J”:



J is for John

My name is John. I’ve never really liked the name because it’s one of the most common names in history. It’s been used to refer to bathrooms and men who pay for sex, so there’s another reason not to like it, but John is me. It’s who I am, and I’m no ordinary John.

Who is John?

John is a very unique and special person
He’s kind, compassionate, and full of empathy
He likes to see the world through rose colored glasses
Likes to see the good in everyone
But sometimes that’s hard to do

Lucky in love, unlucky in love
It’s all been a part of John’s life
Happy memories that will never fade
And promises of love yet to come
And all in all, no regrets

John is a connoisseur of music
It’s his passion
Songs to inspire, songs to dance to
And songs to make him cry
Music is the soundtrack to his life

Dancing is his escape
The liberation of self-expression
Is an addiction like no other
Dancing troubles away
While moving to the music

Never much of a daredevil
Though some may consider him so
For another of his passions
Is strictly a summertime pleasure
Coasters, woodies and steel, is his delight

John is a son, a brother, an uncle
And a friend
Though he doesn’t always show it
He loves everyone in his life
In his own special way

In work, John’s tried a lot of things
Banker, deejay, real estate broker
And after long last
He found the one thing he was meant to do
John is a teacher

John teaches in many ways
He teaches young immigrants our language
Giving them a lifelong tool
Teaching makes good use of his talents
And helping his kids satisfies him like nothing else

In recent years, John has taken on another teaching role
Sharing all he’s learned of life
Through the written word
Hoping to help others through his experiences
And entertain with his passions

But most of all, John is a dreamer
Always yearning for something better in life
Never ceases in his quest for
The true happiness he desires
And deserves

Maybe one day he’ll find it
No one really knows
But for now he just lives in the present
Appreciating the richness
That already permeates his life

Yes, appreciation and acknowledgement is key
For he has a lot to be thankful for
His friends, his family, his talent
And his passions
This is John

Thanks, as always, for reading!

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A short piece of prose to a special person who's suddenly gone from my life. Click the title to read.

You were the one that got away
Though I wish things had turned out differently, I understand
I always knew, deep down inside
That we weren't going to last
Though I believed and I hoped that I was wrong...

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Immigration

Like many who came before
From distant corners of the globe
Pushed from home
Fleeing calamity
Hunger, Poverty, War

The United States
Land of Dreams
Pulling those seeking a better life
Offering hope and optimism
To the downtrodden, the desperate

They’ve come to this New World
For several hundred years now
In crashing waves from different places at different times
Only to face new struggles
In a new land

“They’re taking our jobs.”
“They’re stealing our money.”
“They don’t want to speak English.”
“Send them all back to where they came from.”
They’ve all taken turns bearing the brunt

Eventually each group melds into the giant pot
Becoming a part of a new America
Time and time again
And the wave we have crashing over our shores now
Will, too

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