Happy Hump Day everyone! It’s yet another beautiful summer day on Long Island and here I sit in my office, in the middle of the day, typing away, lol. This is my last bit of writing for the day, thankfully, and then I can get on with doing stuff I should be doing…outside! Here’s the latest from my so called life…





Photo Source: cbs news



Come on Irene!



For the first time in a long time, we here in the northeast are under watch for the latest hurricane, Irene, which seems to be heading in our direction. We’ve had these types of warnings many times in the past and a lot of them turned out to be nothing more than some rain and a little wind, and I hope that’s the case this time, too. They’re saying Sunday, so anything can happen between now and then. We haven’t had one since I bought my house in 98 and I shudder to think about one hitting here full force because I have a lot of trees in my yard. Fingers crossed and stay tuned…





Photo Source: Watt's Up With That?



Earthquake? What Earthquake?



I think I am probably the only person I know who didn’t feel the Earth trembling at yesterday’s earthquake, which struck in Virginia but was felt all over the Eastern Seaboard. I spoke to a couple of people who felt it around 2PM, but I didn’t even know about it until much later. They say it’s the strongest earthquake to ever hit the area at 5.6 on the Richter, and of course the end-of-the-worlders are out in full force. Gimme a break!







Opening up



As I told you the other day, I’ve been struggling a lot lately with the things I put on this blog. It all started when I got a nasty and derogatory email from a reader that made me do a lot of thinking. More than a week has passed now and several friends have given me cause to keep doing what I’m doing and not be affected by such malicious nonsense. After all, this is my space and if anyone doesn’t want to read it, they don’t have to.



Though I have no idea specifically what the emailer was referring to in his rant, I had removed a piece I thought he might have been responding to, a poem about my recent face to face encounter with him. At the moment I have no plans to republish it in full, but here’s an abridged version of the original that I had penned a week ago Sunday:



Yet another regretful episode in this muddled story

A chance meeting unforeseen

At almost the very spot where we first met

We’d both imagined this in our minds

Yet neither could know what really to expect



It all happened so suddenly

I looked up with disbelieving eyes into your face

And saw you looking into mine

And in a flash, all I could think of to do was turn and run

But you saw me as I saw you and called to me from behind



At that point, the deed was done

The circumstance of our encounter was settled

You were excited and I was terrified

My reaction dampened your evening and mine

The latest in a series of miscommunications between us



Running away was not the mature thing to do

Yet it was an impulse borne out of months of despair

And yes, anger, at the very thought of you

I regret the action and wish I could take it back

But what’s done cannot be undone



I don’t know how you expected me to react

With a smile and a hug, perhaps

Some genuine catching up of old friends

I laid it all out for you the last time

In a way I believed to be noble and complete



Whatever happens from here forth

Please understand that there were reasons for my action

Perhaps a little subconscious hurt thrown your way

In return for the hurt I’d endured

A little bit of karma in action



I know you couldn’t see

Through all of the discomfort between us

That deep down it was nice to see you again

In the flesh

The same person I so cared for once upon a time



So take good care of yourself

I’m happy to hear you’re in a better place these days

Should there be a next time, don’t worry

I promise not to turn my back again

Next time I’ll flash you a brilliant smile, I promise!



Reading this over once again, I don’t think there's anything about it I need to feel bad about writing, either on myself or on him. It's just the openness and feeling that I always express in my writing, no matter the subject. Yes, my experiences with him were some tough moments in my life and even though I’m in a good place now, contact of any sort inevitably brings back memories, bad and good. So I make no apologies for penning the piece, and I’m glad to share it once again with you.



It’s funny, but things have taken a sad turn even since I wrote the piece. After not having seen him for seven months, I ran into him three straight times at Splash, the last time being last night. Though I meant what I said in the last stanza, things haven’t gone exactly that way in subsequent encounters. There’s kind of a distant iciness there now, like we're both sort of pretending not to see each other while we’re standing just a few feet away. It's weird and uncomfortable, and no fun at all. I guess the circumstances from that night have brought us to this, starting with my reaction almost two weeks ago.



It’s a little unnerving and sad, but I guess that’s just the way it’s going to be. At least there’s just one more week of Splash Tuesdays and/or Thursdays for me, and so I’ll return to going there on Saturdays again afterwards and these random contacts shouldn’t happen anymore anyway.



Related post: Untitled



Writing Wednesdays



Well, I already missed the second week of Writing Wednesdays, and so here are links to some of the pieces I’ve been up to…



Gather



Amy Winehouse Tributes by Green Day, Coldplay and at the VMAs



Gaga’s “You and I” exemplifies her musical versatility



Spotlight on new music releases for the week of August 22nd



Preview of the 2011 VMAs



Yahoo Contributor Network



Elton John's Top Twenty Songs



Pesto: Easy, Delicious and Versatile



Volunteer's Corner: Working to Protect and Preserve the Environment of Long Island and Beyond



What Are You Listening To? Summer 2011



Examiner



Fun outdoor activities on Long Island this weekend



H is for "High Rise"



During my "Song of the Day" posting in dedication to Nick Ashford, who passed away yesterday, I mentioned another of Ashford and Simpson songs that I loved whose title just happens to start with the letter "H," the next letter in our Z-A Blogger's Challenge. Bonus! The vid's a little grainy, but the song is oh so sweet sounding! Enjoy!











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Happy Friday all! It’s another beautiful day out on Long Island and I should be at the beach….maybe later… There’s been lots of things going on the past few days and lots of catching up to do, so here goes nothing…





My House



Crisis averted



Last week, I shared some disturbing news about a mortgage escrow statement I received in the mail. It had said that I either had to come up with almost $5000 or have my mortgage payment go up by $400 a month, neither of which I can afford. I thought I was going to lose my house, and even though I do eventually want to, I don’t want to lose it that way.



Anyway, to make a long story short, I made a few phone calls last week and the bank investigated the escrow account, finding three errors on their part. In the end I may even end up having a surplus in my escrow. Now it looks like I’m going to be able to stay here…for now. Whew!





Photo Source: Just Jared



Crazy Stupid Love



I went to the movies the other night only because it starred Ryan Gosling, the hunky actor who my buddy Rich told me about. The movie is called “Crazy Stupid Love,” and it stars Gosling, Steve Carell, and Julianne Moore. The movie was okay, but boy was my friend right about Ryan Gosling! Absolutely gorgeous in every way and well worth the price of admission!





Photo Source: blamonet



Circus Wednesday



I’m almost getting to the point where I know I’m going to start missing going to Circus on Wednesdays once school starts. Once again, I had a fabulous time and I’m making new friends. It really is a special place, so if you’re a PLU (People Like Us – or rather “Me”!) and you live on Long Island, you should definitely check out the Lizard Lounge in Bohemia on a Wednesday evening.





Ms. Ruby Diamond in action at Circus



That’s what friends are for



They say a person is lucky to have one or two good friends in their life. I’m starting to find out that although I thought I had just a couple, there are others who either are or have the potential to be true friends, and I feel very blessed to have each of them in my life.



Lisa



This summer I’ve met a few good people with potential for long-lasting friendships and one of them is Lisa. I’ve mentioned Lisa before. She’s the woman that remembered me from religion class way back in the 2nd grade, about 40 years ago. Though I actually first met her again last year, I’ve spent a lot of time with Lisa this summer and I’m starting to enjoy her company more and more.



We had a good time over at the Grove last week and I even drove her home. She’d told me she owned a barber shop and I had promised her a visit there, which I made this week. What a nice place she has! It’s called Hats Off and it’s kind of in between an old fashioned barber shop and a beauty salon, nicely decorated and very comfortable. Lisa made me feel so welcome when I got there, telling the whole crowd of people waiting how we met, and I’ve got to say she gave me probably the best haircut of my life!



Rita



Rita is a fellow teacher in my school district. We’ve known each other a couple of years and have grown to be good friends. I hadn’t realized until I had breakfast with her yesterday just how much I missed her not being around. What started off as what should have been an hour breakfast turned into a three-plus hour talkathon. Love ya Reet!



Ozzie



Ozzie is one of the newest people in my life and I’ve already spoken of him a few times in this space. We don’t know each other well enough yet, and I haven’t been sure just what kind of place he’d take in my life, but I think I’m starting to figure it out. We were supposed to go to Splash together last night, but at the last minute he couldn’t make it. He did figure into the night though, when all was said and done…



When you least expect it, expect it!



Every once in awhile I‘ve wondered what it would be like to run into him again. I couldn’t imagine how I’d react, and now a day later I know. Just like in our old days together I feel like I always either do or say the wrong things concerning him and last night was no exception.



It’s funny, for the past several weeks I haven’t gone out alone and yesterday I almost had a car-full. I was kind of hoping to go alone for a change and things seemed to align themselves for this most unexpected purpose for I did end up going alone and for the first time since January, I bumped into him, and it wasn’t pretty.



All I will say about it is that I was standing on the dance floor at Splash and spotted him. He’d already seen me and was coming my way. I don’t know why, but I just turned in the other direction and started walking away. It was just a gut reaction and of course, it wasn’t a good one. In the long run we did speak a little, but I think both of our nights were kind of soured and definitely uncomfortable afterwards. I told him later on that I wish I had a redo, and that’s the truth!



A Developing Friendship



During the evening I texted Ozzie to tell him that I wished he was there with me. I was uneasy and I could’ve used someone to talk with and dance with. After a couple of texts back and forth, he told me to come through on my way home, which I did. Since he’s new in my life and doesn’t really know about this particular history of mine, he was a good person to talk to. I got to his house around 3:30 and we talked for at least a couple of hours. I went home feeling much better.



In all I’m learning that even though he’s got this public persona and has a lot of acquaintance ‘friends,’ he is really a genuine person beneath it all and I’m really glad I met him. I think he was brought into my life for a purpose and little by little I’m starting to believe ours will be an enduring friendship. So for like the umpteenth time, thank you Oz!



The Department of Health comes a calling



Yesterday I received an email from a guy at the NY State Department of Health. He said that he wanted to speak to me regarding some articles I’d written on Examiner. He’s with the HIV/AIDS area of the department and I have done some pieces on the subject, so I’m sure those are what he wants to talk to me about. Right now I’m waiting for a phone call from him and I’m a little nervous as to what this is about. Stay tuned…



Well, I think I’m all caught up now. If you’re still reading this, I want to both thank you and apologize for giving you so much to read. I’m always humbled by how many people are following this blog and I hope that whatever I put in here, whether it be cool music or my silly, innocuous personal stories, gives people some entertainment, perhaps a few laughs, and lots of smiles. My friend Michael even gave me a nice shout-out on FB this morning, telling others in a comment to read my blog, so thank you Michael!



Here’s a Robyn song to mark how I’m feeling right about now. Yes, what’s past is past and no one can go back and change it, but if only to dream…







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Happy August! Today’s Monday, August 1st and summer is just about half over…I feel like I’ve been busier so far this summer being off than I am during the school year. I think I may just have to start looking forward to going back soon, but not just yet. There’s still some summer to do! Here are some snippets of my so-called life these past few days…



Inside the bar at Cherry's

Foot in Mouth Disease

“Wow, just when you've had it with everything, somebody does something to surprise you!”

Yep, I have it! That disease, you know the one, when you tend to say things you shouldn’t have said. I put this as my status on Facebook late Friday night and rather than take it down I just left it there. Any normal person might’ve just not even have put it there or at least removed it after they realized they shouldn’t have written it, but I admit, I’m no normal person. Besides we all make mistakes, and I don’t think that we should ever pretend that we didn’t….we just accept our actions, learn from them and move on…

A couple of friends asked what the surprise was and it’s too long a story to answer there, but I’m going to share a little of it here cause that’s just how I do. You see, for the past few months I’ve been talking to this guy, his name is Scott, online. Scott lives in Philadelphia and being that he comes to Long Island for work sometimes he was perusing guys here and found me. It’s not normally how I do things, but I’d say that I’ve spent quite a few hours chatting with him over the past few months, and though I have no idea what he looks like, I was kinda sorta liking him…a lot!

I never really put any stock into anything with him…he lives so far away, after all, but I really have been hoping to meet him one of these days and last week he told me he’d probably be coming to LI this past Friday. He’s had my number for awhile and he said he’d give me a call on Sunday and we’d take it from there. He really wanted to go to Fire Island and of course meet me finally.

Well, by Thursday I hadn’t heard from him and pretty much wrote the whole thing off. I ended up spending Friday with my new bud Ozzie and didn’t even really think about Scott, until he im’d me late Friday night. Scott was being his usual joking self, but during our conversation he was being kinda cryptic, almost to the point of making me think he was actually here on Long Island. He was asking about the ferry times and such, and I don’t know, I just had a feeling he was going to surprise me at Cherry Grove on Saturday night. Thus the FB status.

To make a long story short, Scott wasn’t here after all, at least I don’t think he was. I haven’t heard from him since that Friday night conversation and I’m back to being mentally where I was on Thursday, at least concerning him. Grrrrrrrr….

The White Party

Cherry’s on the Bay was having a White Party on Saturday night and with the whole Scott thing, I was kind of excited about going, that is, until the night actually happened. I guess there’s always a night or two where things don’t go as you would expect them to, and Saturday night sucked all the way around. Now I go there often enough that I always know people there. Even though I usually go it alone, I’m hardly ever alone while I’m there, but on Saturday there was no one I knew, not even my fellow regulars.

My friend Michael works on Fire Island and he wasn’t there. My lesbian friends had a barbecue so they weren’t there either. Even my regular buddy at Cherry Grove Pizza was off on Saturday. It was very weird. In fact the only person that I saw that I knew was my friend Paul, who I had just gone to the city with on Thursday, and even though he said hello, he pretty much ignored me all night long. It was just one of those nights!

Memories with Mac…

The only enjoyment I got out of Saturday night was hanging with an old buddy of mine. His name is Mac and he’s one of the bouncers at the Ice Palace. He’s a very large black man, kind of looks like he could’ve been a pro football player, and I’ve known him since I first came out way back in the early to mid 80’s. Back then Mac was a bouncer at Thunders, one of LI’s best-ever bars, and he used to kind of look out for me. Even he, Joe and I used to shoot the shit together all the time back in the day. Mac’s an awesome person!

Anyway, through my frustration of the night, I decided to walk over to the Ice Palace and say hi to my old buddy. We ended up chatting for a long, long time, reminiscing about the old days and catching up. I bought him a shot of SoCo, which we did together….that was always Mac’s thing….and I truly had an awesome time with my old buddy. Thanks Mac!

Sunday Night Sea Tea

Last night me and my pals Blanche and Dita went into the city to catch the Sea Tea, which is a summertime Sunday night party boat cruise in NY Harbor. We usually go a couple of times a year, but we hadn’t gone this summer until last night. It was a beautiful summer evening and I was really looking forward to it.

Now one of these days I will surely write more on the Sea Tea…there have been some really good and some really strange times there over the past few years that we’ve gone, but last night’s experience left me full from the whole experience. You see, when you go on the Sea Tea, it’s a four-hour experience that you cannot escape from if it’s not good. The crowd and the deejay always dictate how it will go, and last night the crowd was okay, some of the usual crazies and some cuties, too, but the deejay totally sucked!

Anyone who knows me knows how much I like to dance (just see today’s “Song of the Day”), and last night’s set was total house, which is okay sometimes, but to me not really for that setting. I think there were maybe three songs he played that I knew, and the versions he played were just okay. Of course I danced some anyway, but it definitely wasn’t as good as I had hoped it would be. I’m starting to think I’ve had my fill of the whole thing.







Ex’s on the brain

Another part of my evening was one that I didn’t even really mention to my friends. It began on the ride to the Sea Tea and soon transformed into something entirely different later on. You see, the Sea Tea is located at the Christopher Street Pier on the West Side, and we get there by going down the FDR, around the Battery and then back up the West Side Highway. It’s much faster than simply going across town.

For the first time since January, I think, we passed by the place where ‘he’ lives, not far from the Brooklyn Bridge. I started thinking about it as soon as we hit the FDR, and of course I couldn’t help but glance over towards where he lives as we passed it. I mentioned it in the car and Blanche actually said, “Oh God, are you gonna write about this now?”

Hehe, I said I wasn’t, but here I am. It was no big deal, really. Within a few minutes, whatever thoughts that came into my brain had passed, but strangely enough that was when suddenly Joe popped into my head. I don’t know, there’s something about the city that conjures up all sorts of feelings within me. A couple of years ago, I had gone into the city with Rich and we just hung around, having dinner and then a little bar hopping, and Joe had been on my brain that day, too.

I remember on the ride home thinking about it. He and I had lived so many memories together in the city. We even talked about moving there once. I had realized during that ride home that most all of my city memories were with Joe and I was actually moved to tears about it. I felt so alone at that moment…but that was a long time ago and I’m in a much better place these days.

Still, for some reason I had Joe on the brain for most of the night last night. I pictured him smiling and dancing and laughing and joking around like he used to. When we first started going on the Sea Tea, he and I were still together, so being there was what conjured him up. I don’t really know why. I’ve been there since and it never happened before, but maybe it was just passing ‘his’ place that brought the happier memories of Joe into my brain.

Now I don’t miss being with Joe, mind you, breaking up with him was definitely the right thing for both of us, but I do miss him. He was not only my lover, but he was also my best friend for 20 years, and I just guess I get a little nostalgic every once in awhile.

Another Busy Week

Wow, when I began this blog post I really didn’t expect it to go this far. I’ve got another busy week ahead of me, with lots more plans. Tonight I’m having dinner with an old friend that I’m just a little nervous about. At one time, he and I kinda sorta courted, but I don’t feel that way about him anymore. I’m pretty sure he does, so I need to be very careful with what I say and how I act tonight. He’s one of those guys that I’d love to be friends with, but I’ve always been afraid that attraction gets in the way like it does so often with guys…we’ll see!

Tomorrow’s work and then the doctor’s appointment I’m actually looking forward to, and then lunch with Laura Kim on Wednesday before she heads off to Alaska, Circus Wednesday night with Ruby, and possibly Splash on Thursday before our pal Eddie, AKA Rose, comes in for the weekend from Florida. We’re all going to the Grove together on Saturday so that’s something I’m really looking forward to and as I mentioned earlier, I may be going to see Britney in Jersey on Friday.

Well, now that I’ve given you so much reading to do, I’m going to sign off now, at least for a little while. I hope to get my “M” entry in sometime today, so be on the lookout for that. In the meantime, have a great and beautiful Monday, and as always, thanks for reading!


I Love It!
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Happy Saturday everyone, and a very Happy Birthday to my sister Christine! Chrissy is the baby of the family and she moved to Kentucky a couple of years ago with her partner, Heather. It’s been a long time since any of us have seen her and we miss her a lot! Anyway…on with the post…


Chrissy and Heather

Stirred Up

As you may probably tell from my previous post, Untitled, I had my first contact from him this week since way back in February. Of course when I first saw the email in my inbox I was a little nervous, and upon reading what he had to say I felt somewhat vindicated. The poem was the product of a few days’ thought and I think I’ve said just about what I needed to say. There were a lot of ways I could have handled it, and I thought about them all, but in the end I think the way I did it was perfect…and it was typical me!

There’s no need to explain anything…if you read the poem I think you’ll be able to figure it out. In the end, I’m feeling better because of it, a little less sad and a little more comfortable knowing that I’m alright. He told me he’s a semi-regular reader of this blog, which surprised me actually, so if you’re reading this, here’s one last, small thank you.

I’ll Never Be a Moving Man

Yesterday my friend Blanche asked if I would help him move a freezer from his carport down to his basement. It was an old freezer that his neighbor owned and gave to him. He said it was kind of small and it should be easy to move. I told him to give me a call when he got home from work and I’d run over for ten minutes to give him a hand.

At around 5:30, Blanche called. I was in the middle of vacuuming for some company I was getting at 7. “You ready?” I said as I picked up the phone.

“Yup!”

“I’ll be there in five.”

When I got there, I saw the appliance sitting in the carport. He was right, it didn’t look like much. He’d already had a hand truck underneath it, so I grabbed the handles and pulled it around the house to his side door, which led to the basement. By that time it started to rain.

Of course, nothing I ever do is easy, and the freezer wouldn’t fit through first the door and then the doorway to the basement. Blanche and I maneuvered it around and somehow I ended up on the bottom. That’s when all the trouble began…

Somehow, we got the freezer tilted downwards, with the top, or the lighter side, facing down. Bad move! Not only did that make it difficult to move around, but the freezer got wedged between the steps to his attic above and the ones leading to the basement. For the better part of an hour I was trapped in the basement.

“Is there any other way outta here?” I asked jokingly, thinking that I may be stuck.
Blanche chuckled. “Maybe we should call the fire department.

“I think you should.” The clock was ticking and I still had to finish vacuuming and take a shower all before 7 o’clock. I texted my friend:

“Help! I’m stuck in Blanchie’s basement. Gimme another half-hour. 7:30.”

With that I pushed up on the freezer as I had been doing all along, my shoulder muscles straining with every push. I was afraid that the thing, once we got it going, was gonna come crashing down on top of me. After all, Blanche had nothing really to hold on to and the thing was heavy! Visions of the emergency room flashed through my mind.

That last push did the trick! Blanche was able to get it back up on the landing so we could finally arch it downwards the right way. I still worried about the thing crashing down on me, and I had to still strain my might to guide it down, huffing and puffing and soaking from sweat.

“Thank God!” I said once it reached the bottom. We walked it over to its place and I was on my way. It was 6:45 by the time I got home. My friend never got my text and was at my door as I was dressing from my very quick shower. We had a good time last night, especially laughing about my moving experience. One thing’s for sure…I will never get a job as a moving man!

I Was Here - Another Beyonce Spotlight

Here's another song off of Beyonce's new album,, "4." It's a beautiful song and I think that it reflects pretty accurately how I look at life. Take a listen and follow along below to this amazing tune.





I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time
Know there was something that, and something that I left behind
When I leave this world, I'll leave no regrets
Leave something to remember, so they won't forget

I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...

I want to say I lived each day, until I died
I know that I had something in, somebody's life
The hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leave
That I made a difference, and this world will see

I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...

I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...

I just want them to know
That I gave my all, did my best
Brought someone to hapiness
Left this world a little better just because...

I was here...

I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...

Well, once again I've wasted too much time in front of the pc and I need to get outside and do some yard work, ugh! Back to the Grove tonight and then Alfie's, the new place in Patchogue I wrote about the other day. In the meantime, here's a cool photo that's currently the background of my desktop:


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Today's "Song of the Day" is a bit of a defiant rant for me. I knew since yesterday afternoon what it was going to be because of an incident that occurred. I've been thinking about going back to yesterday's post and taking back some of what I said about him, but in the spirit of my writing style and this blog, what is said is said. When I wrote it I was feeling it and if I were to write that same post today, it wouldn't include anything about him.

The last time we broke up, I wrote a post about how I was feeling at the time, and I guess I still feel that way:

"I told him that even though he tells me I’m very special, I’m simply not special enough. I wasn’t to Joe and I’m not to him."

I posted this song on Facebook that day and he responded to the post with an email telling me that I was indeed very special to him. He was just trying to make me feel better, but the email ending up having the opposite effect (and thus the reason for our total estrangement today).

The incident I refer to here from yesterday is one that I won't detail, but let's just say that from the looks of things I feel as the whole thing had no meaning, no purpose. I'm beginning to understand things better, seeing how he goes through his life and I had no control over anything from the start. I just happened to be an innocent casualty along the way. He's clearly already moved on and so now must I.

Maybe this happened for a reason, this something I stumbled upon accidentally which gave me this newfound resentment and anger. It was a kick in the pants to realize that I was right all along, to him I just wasn't special enough. I deleted him from Facebook and blocked him from seeing mine, ensuring that something like this will never happen again. He probably won't even notice for along, long time, anyway. I will use my feelings now to move on and to rid myself once and for all the despair I've been experiencing since December, to put that chapter of my life behind me once and for all and move on for good.

In the meantime, I post this "Song of the Day," a classic from Chrissy Hynde and the Pretenders. It's a reminder that whether or not I ever find "the one," I am indeed special, so special! Enjoy "Brass in Pocket":





Here are the lyrics to the song:

Brass in Pocket

Got brass in pocket
Got bottle I'm gonna use it
Intention I feel inventive
Gonna make you, make you, make you notice

Got motion restrained emotion
Been driving detroit leaning
No reason just seems so pleasing
Gonna make you, make you, make you notice

[Chorus:]
Gonna use my arms
Gonna use my legs
Gonna use my style
Gonna use my sidestep
Gonna use my fingers
Gonna use my, my, my imagination

'Cause I gonna make you see
There's nobody else here
No one like me
I'm special so special
I gotta have some of your attention give it to me

Got rhythm I can't miss a beat
Got new skank it's so reet
Got something I'm winking at you
Gonna make you, make you, make you notice

[Chorus]

'Cause I gonna make you see
There's nobody else here
No one like me
I'm special, so special
I gotta have some of your attention
Give it to me
'Cause I gonna make you see
There's nobody else here
No one like me
I'm special, so special
I gotta have some of your attention

Give it to me

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Happy Saturday everyone! Today is the first regular post I’ve done in awhile, I’m currently still trying to think of a “P” word for my next A-Z entry, so until then I figured I’d just catch up a bit. The past couple of days have not been good ones. I’m not sure why exactly, but I’ve been finding it difficult to keep up that new attitude I’ve been trying to keep lately.

Splash Friday

I ventured out to Splash last night and it was the usual Friday night fare. The music was better than normal and I had a good time overall, though I can never understand why the bar is not as crowded on Friday nights. I’m going to head back out there tonight for its been a couple of weeks since I last went there on a Saturday. I’ll be looking forward to it all day. I need some dance therapy!



Kylie’s Coming in 3 Days…

One thing I’m really looking forward to is my next concert. This week, Kylie Minogue will be performing three shows at the Hammerstein Ballroom in NYC. I had been planning to go all along, hoping to get my ticket the same way I got the Lady Gaga tickets last week, but just last night I was invited to go by my new friend, Ivan. He’s got seats in the balcony, which gives a much better view of the stage. The last time I saw her there, my friend and I had to stand on the main floor and we spent the whole time on our tippy toes trying to get a view of the show.

As many of you can tell from past posts, I love Kylie! She last came to NY in the fall of 09 and of course I had to see her. It was her first foray into the US in many years and she was promoting an album, “X,” that wasn’t even released in stores here. The show was absolutely awesome and “X” is one of my favorite Kylie albums, with plenty of great mid to up tempo beats, the kind I like most. Check out one of my favorite tracks from “X,” “2 Hearts”:






My Week

It always seems that short weeks are just as long, if not longer, than normal ones, and this past week was no exception. It feels like last Monday, my last day off, was forever and a day ago. Earlier this week I pinched a nerve in my upper leg and was hobbling around on it all week, so maybe that had something to do with the drudgery of my work week, but thankfully I’m feeling back to normal once again (or I wouldn’t have been able to go dancing last night or tonight).

For anyone who thinks that school needs to be run all year long, they should try being a teacher at this time of the year. As soon as the weather starts turning nice, the kids are done. Lately it’s been so hard to get them to do anything in class and I can’t wait until summer just to be done with it. Yesterday I lost my temper in the worst way I ever have and I actually startled my students. It worked because they were quiet from then on out, so I’ve got to remember that for the future even though I hate yelling.

As for my poor attitude these past couple of days, well you can see from what I’ve said how it all started, but there’s more that I just can’t point my finger at. Maybe it’s just a combination of things in my life at the moment. My move is stagnant and I don’t have any choice but to wait it out, which is kind of depressing. Going into the city for fun is good, but when you meet people they usually live in the city and when I live an hour away, well… So I guess my love life sucks, too, and that’s getting me down a bit. He still pops in and out of my head often enough and the whole thing just makes me sad. I miss him terribly, and I’ve got to realize he’s probably gone forever and so I need distractions to occupy my mind more. I often wonder if he misses me, too, which I think is probably so, but I guess it doesn’t matter. Hopefully once Memorial Day gets here I’ll be spending more time out here on Fire Island and juicing it up a bit. I don’t know.

Writing

Earlier this week I joined a new writing site which I’m kind of excited about. The site is called Gather and they accepted me into their entertainment division with a special emphasis on music. Their pay scale is way better than Y!CN’s and I just may start moving some of my pieces from there, like my monthly “New Music” segment and my weekly “Pop Music News” over to Gather.

I’ve been having bad experiences with Y!CN ever since I got rejected for that Featured Music Writer job last month. My page views have dropped significantly. I’m actually getting more hits to this blog than I am over there, which is not a good thing since this makes me no money.

Last weekend I wrote a piece on new music for May and submitted it for upfront payment. I’d done 12 of these to date, all under the heading of the old Featured Contributor program and was paid $10 for each of them, so I figured it was a safe bet to do it that way. I was wrong! After four days, they finally reviewed it and rejected to offer me any money for it, saying that I used too many italicized words and something I didn’t understand about my links. I looked back at my past pieces and saw that I did this one the same exact way I had done the others, so I am totally confused about the rejection.

I wrote them a complaint about it and as of now I am still waiting for a response. Meanwhile my piece is still unpublished, still in limbo and tomorrow is May 1st. WTF??? I will keep you updated on this one.

In the meantime, here are some pieces I’ve published since my last set of links:

Y!CN

Outrageous British Sitcom “Absolutely Fabulous” Set to Return

As I reported here last week, ABFab, one of my all time favorite shows, will be returning sometime soon. This is the whole scoop.

Lady Gaga’s “Monster Ball” at Nassau Coliseum: Great Entertainment and a Whole Lot of Fun

My complete review of last Saturday’s Gaga concert.

Pop Music News Weekly, April 26th

An update on this year’s Lollapalooza lineup, a remembrance of Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes on the 9th anniversary of her death, and an obituary for legendary jazz-pop singer Phoebe Snow, plus the weekly charts.

Memorial Day Events on Long Island

This was an assignment at Y!CN. Fun stuff, too!

Examiner
I published a couple of pieces on Examiner this week…I’m not sure how much longer I’ll continue there as it hasn’t been doing well ever since Google changed their search algorithm. Anyway, here’s what I posted there:

Cherry’s on the Bay opens for the summer May 6th

Yes, summer’s coming and Fire Island will soon be my summer playground. Getting excited!

Fairs and craft sales on LI this weekend

Gather

Here are two of my first pieces on Gather:

Remembering Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes on TLC’s 20th Anniversary

The 2011 Billboard Music Awards is Back in a Big Way

Well I think I’ve gotten it all out, lol. I apologize for such a long post and not to wait so long in between. In the meantime, here’s some visual candy for you, just a couple of cool photos I found around the Internet. As always, thanks for reading!


Fire Island, NY



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Happy Monday everyone! Today was a long, rough day for me so I’m glad it’s over, that’s for sure. Luckily for me, though, I’ve been trying really hard to get through the days by trying to put a positive spin on things, and so I’m not going to let things get the best of me. Life is full of ups and downs, and attitude is everything. Hey, I think I’ve got a theme for today!

The A to Z Bloggers Challenge

There’s a little friendly competition going on amongst my Y!CN/Facebook family. It’s called the A to Z Challenge and it’s for those of us who blog. The idea is to work your way through the alphabet with a daily theme centered around the letters. Though I thought about joining it when they started, I abstained. After all, time is way too short for me and to keep up with it would be a monumental task.

Just yesterday, my friend Theresa Leschmann asked me if I was in the challenge and I told her I wasn’t. She told me that the group was going to start working backwards in the alphabet soon and I should join in then. Without a chance to protest, my name was thrown into the ring and now I'm a part of the group. I have no idea what’s going to happen from here on in, I’ve got an “A” word for today and so maybe it’s a start. We’ll see.

“A” is for Attitude

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been consciously trying to work on my attitude towards the things in my life. Historically I’ve been guilty of making myself the victim whenever circumstances in my life don’t go my way and I’m trying to change that. I recognize that I shouldn’t sweat the small stuff, and that if I look at things from a positive perspective, everything will seem brighter. At this moment in time, I think it’s working, and here are some of the reasons why:

Tests of my mettle

Where do I start? There have been several things that have happened in my life that in the past I would have just thrown in the towel. But instead of sulking and saying "why me?", I just allowed the circumstances to play out and then I moved on from it. A key to life perhaps?



The other day I noticed that I had a bulge in my driver’s side front tire. It was one I just had replaced back in November, so I figured it was still under warranty. I took it back to the place where I had bought the tire originally and a new tire was put on the car today. When I went to pick it up, I was told that it wasn’t covered under the warranty because it was caused by some sort of ‘impact.”

Now I’ve been driving a long time and I think I would know if I had a big impact with a pothole or a curb. After a uncharacteristic and satisfying tirade directed at three workers in the automotive center and more than another $200 later, I allowed myself to shrug it off my shoulders and not worry about it again.



School was full of stress for me today. For one reason or another, I was handed tests galore from my fellow teachers for my students to work on and by 9:30 I was knee deep in US history, 8th Grade science, and the Pythagorean Theorem. I’m supposed to be teaching English, but my students don’t have anyone else to turn to for help and so…

Thankfully I have an early break and so I left the building to cool myself off and it worked. Though the day didn’t get any easier from there, I took it all with a grain of salt and made it through!



There’s one more crappy thing about today that I’m proud of getting through without concern. Today was his birthday. Of course I knew it was coming and even though I’ve managed to push him to the back of my mind of late, he was there today. I originally wanted to send him a birthday greeting on Facebook this morning, but then thought better of it. I look back on him with a lot of anger and regret these days, and though a part of me still misses him, I feel happy knowing that I’m just fine without him.

Focusing on the positives



A part of adapting to this new attitude, it's important to spend more time focusing on the positive things that happen in life. The blog is doing better with each day and I've added a couple of new sponsors for it which I hope will generate some giveback for all of this work. I'm hoping for bigger and better things for this site and focusing on it makes me happy.

Today marks three weeks without Fuzzy the stalker coming to call. I guess that phone call from the policeman did the trick!

I’ve been working out quite regularly and feeling really good about it. The past couple of weeks at Splash I’ve met several hotties and I think it’s because the workouts have given me newfound confidence. Look out summer, here I come!

Next week is spring break and I’m really looking forward to sleeping late, getting caught up on my writing, relaxing, and of course getting in a little extra dancing. Life is all about creating things to look forward to and next week will definitely be better than the Christmas and winter breaks, for sure!

Attitude is what life is all about. The way your attitude goes, so goes your life. I think I’m going to keep this new attitude for awhile. I kind of like the way it feels and I’m going to keep trying not to sweat the small stuff and focus on the positives. Until next time…thanks for reading!

P.S. Of course all of this writing about a new attitude has put a song in my head. Maybe you’ll remember this one:



I'm feelin' good from my head to my shoes...




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Hello everyone! I'm just sitting here, tired and looking forward to sleep. I often feel that there's not enough hours in the day and I only wish I had more of them. Ah, well, it's a never-ending quest to organize myself to make the most of my time. I feel like I've been thinking about it forever, but I never seem to get it going...

I wasn't planning on posting today, but I've had something on my mind all day and I wanted to mark it in some way before I head off to sleep. Today is two months since the Robyn concert and two months since I last contacted him. His birthday's coming up, so he's been in my mind a little more lately and when I saw the date today I remembered February 5th.

Anyway, it sucks, but I do still think of him at times. I dunno, I've been getting a good move-on with my life, networking and getting out there, but there's still a lurking sadness over what transpired. Not that I'm feeling down all the time, I'm not. It's just that every once in awhile, like now, things remind me of him and I just feel sad.

Part of my healing has been to wipe him from my thoughts. I no longer listen to Robyn as much, nor Adele...and I hate to say this, I really do, but I've come to hate Pink's 'Raise Your Glass.' Whenever any of these songs come on the radio or my iPod, I quickly change em'! I don't need to be sad, ya know, and sometimes you've just gotta do what you've got to do to help yourself.

So, in memory, or acknowledgement of this moment, I hereby present "Dancing On My Own," by Robyn. It's the most appropriate one for where I stand now, for it's one Robyn song I loved before I met him, so I can separate it from the negative thoughts of our time. Some of her other songs bring me back to memories I'd rather not think of, but when I hear this one, I can look back and smile, for that was one of the happiest memories of whatever it was we had, singing along to it together for the first time as we danced.

So, for what it's worth, enjoy Robyn's "Dancing on My Own." It's a really good song!!!!

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Happy spring everybody! It’s Monday afternoon and the first big hump of the work week is over, so I’m in a good way for a change even though I was just awakened from an after-work nap by Fuzzy. Yes, he’s back, but more about that in a minute. I’ve got a lot on my mind today and I want to get it all out…

Public Speaking...Not again!

Today was a teacher’s conference day at school, which meant the students were off so that we staff members could learn something ourselves. We usually have about three of these a year and most of the time they can be pretty arduous for teachers, with hours-long seminars on this or that tedious educational topic. I think I speak for my fellow teachers when I say I’d rather have the free time to plan for future classes.

Last week I got an email from upstairs telling me that I had been named to be a facilitator for a post-presentation discussion about “Teaching in the 21st Century.” Today’s conference day was scheduled to be a joint one with two neighboring districts and a morning presentation by a guest speaker was to be followed by an hour and a half ‘forum’ on the topic at hand. I was one of only a few people chosen for the job. I have no idea why I was chosen, but I take it as a complement.

Ever since I was a youngster, I’ve always been terrified of public speaking, and that hasn’t changed even today. People ask me how I can feel that way since I’m a teacher, and my answer is that it’s different with children for some reason. I don’t know, but whenever I’m asked to make any kind of presentation to my fellow teachers, I’m always nervous about it, to the point where it consumes my mind in the hours leading up to it. Yet once I get up there in front of everybody, I do okay. Today was no exception.



As we sat through the morning speaker, I diligently took notes so that I could be better prepared to lead the discussion, and when it was over we all had to report to our assigned classrooms for our forum. My stomach was in knots and my hands were sweaty as people poured into the room. I can’t say for sure, but I think I had one of the larger groups, about 20-25 people. Just before I needed to start, I went out into the hallway and typed “Why me?” on to my Facebook page.

I then returned to the room and like magic I was on. I had three questions to pose to the group in an hour and a half’s time, and in the end I think I handled it pretty well. It just goes to show you that the more you do it, the better you get at it. As the old saying goes, “practice makes perfect” and I just need to remember that the next time I’m asked to speak in public. Those pre-speaking jitters can be terrible!

I can commiserate



After the morning sessions it was time for lunch and I had the opportunity to spend some quality time with several of my coworkers. We were all given the afternoon to catch up on some work and four of us decided to do it together, which was nice. A teacher’s job can be lonely sometimes, with students all day and nary a moment to spend with adult conversation. The four of us had a nice afternoon together until right before it was time to leave.

One of my coworkers, a special ed teacher who’s in her mid-twenties, suddenly burst into tears at the table in the back of my room. Though it hadn’t been talked about, we all knew that the guy she’d been seeing since October ended their relationship last night. She’d been texting on and off all day, presumably with him, and I guess the last one was the one that caused her to burst out in tears.

I don’t know all of the details. It was none of my business and even knowing only reminded me of my own situation from recent months. From what I gather, the dude had nothing against her, but he just didn’t want to be in a relationship. Sound familiar?

On the way home this friend sent me a text apologizing for her outburst. She didn’t have to. I know exactly what she’s going through. My car pool buddy said that she hoped that she’ll learn from this relationship when she goes into the next one and when she said that, a feeling of dread came over me. I thought about the phrase ‘next relationship’ with dismay. I don’t even want to think about ‘next relationships.’

Who am I kidding? I really, really hate to admit it, but my relationship/breakup really knocked me for a loop. I don’t like what I’ve become in the weeks since it ended for good and I can’t help but still miss the bastard. Though I hadn’t been looking for a relationship before I met him, I realized from my time with him that a relationship is something I ultimately seek. Unfortunately, this experience has caused me to retreat backwards to a point where I think to myself whether it’ll ever be worth the price that I’ve paid here to ever try again. Who knows?

I just came across an article by a good writer friend of mine, Michele Starkey. She just had to put her beloved dog, Brownie, to sleep and she constructed her piece around a quote by Queen Elizabeth. The quote went: “Grief is the price we pay for love.” As I read the piece, I hearkened back to when I had to do the same with our cat Spike back in 2007, and all of the grief that came with it. I also related it to my current state and realize that I am still grieving because I loved, and so now is my friend.

I left a comment for Michele that I agreed with the quote, and I told her that in most cases going through the grief is worth the love. I’m still struggling with that one!

Hang in there Michele and my friend “K,” and so will I.

Here’s Michele’s piece:

The Price We Pay for Love

Hmmm, I just don’t know…Am I too shallow?

A few weeks back I posted here that a friend of mine wanted to set me up on a date with a Spanish teacher from a neighboring district. About midway through the morning, I realized that his district was one of the ones we shared with today and that he was probably in the building. I immediately became nervous and when I mentioned it to another friend, she knew who he was and pointed him out to me. I wasn’t attracted to him at all. During the presentation, my friend texted me to say that she should have introduced us. I’m glad she hadn’t remembered to.

A little over two years ago, I started a series on Y!CN called “Gay Man’s Single Files.” In the first installment (check it out here), I spoke about how physical attraction is one of the first important aspects of a relationship. Without it, there usually can be no beginning. I lamented that many guys my age just don’t take care of themselves and the ones that do don’t want me. They want younger!

I work hard to keep in shape and maintain a healthy looking appearance and so I only expect the same from someone I’d consider dating. I have few objections to dating guys of any age, as long as I’m attracted to them. As things would have it, to date I’ve dated mostly younger guys, too, for that very reason since I’ve been single. I guess I’ve become one of those guys I complained about in my piece.

If this notion makes me a shallow person, then so be it. It may make me perennially single, but why should I settle for someone I’m not attracted to? My friends say I’m too picky, but at least when I’m with someone, it’s always someone who I’m interested in, so I see nothing wrong with that. This may turn out to be a sticky situation with my friend, but I will tell her directly when I get the chance. Hopefully she won’t read this before then, but in case she does, I want to say thanks for trying…


Eeww!

Now that's more like it!

Uh oh, Fuzzy's back!

As I mentioned earlier, I was taking a power nap after work when I was suddenly awakened by my cell phone ringing. I picked it up to see who was calling and it was him! Needless to say, I was jolted into awareness. I ran to my front window to see if he was outside. Nothing! Then for some reason I decided to peer out further, checking the sides of my property and there he was sitting in his red car to the right of my driveway.

He hadn’t gotten out of his car this time, otherwise I would’ve called the police. A couple of minutes after the phone stopped ringing, he pulled away. I thought it was over with, but obviously there’s definitely something wrong with this dude. I don’t get it and now suddenly I’m a little frightened again. Just what I needed!

Thanks again for reading! Here’s a video to capture how I’m feeling at the moment. Some of you may remember this one by Michael Jackson protégé Rockwell…Enjoy, and I’ll catch you next time!

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Happy Sunday…it’s now Daylight Savings Time and I think we’re all going to be a little off because of it for the next few days. It’s okay, though, because now the days will be longer giving us the feeling like we’re that much closer to the warmer months. Yay! Now where to start???

Music in the Car, Finally

After almost five months of having to listen to my iPod through headphones while in my car, I’ve finally freed myself of that inconvenience. Yesterday I had my new car stereo installed, with an auxiliary plug which my older one didn’t have. What a nice feeling to be free of the wires!

Splash


Katy Perry wows em at Splash

Sometimes I’m not sure what draws me to Splash every week. I’ve always liked to go clubbing and in recent years the Long Island club scene has been abysmal at best. With the exception of the summer months, there’s really no good place to go out here (I can’t wait to go back to the Grove again!). I don’t like staying home alone, and my friends are beyond their clubbing years, so I go it alone.

I’ve been going to Splash regularly since the end of last summer. After spending Saturday nights on Fire Island all summer, I just couldn’t bring myself to return to the Bunkhouse again. Splash is one of the most well-known clubs in the city and I’d been there before, so once Fire Island had closed for the season it was weekends at Splash for me. Going there is slowly becoming old hat and I’m definitely yearning for something different.

Ever since that night in October when I met him, going to Splash has been bittersweet for me. It’s the place where I met him so his spirit definitely haunts me when I’m there. Going to Splash on the weekend kind of sucks, too! I guess they know there’s always going to be a crowd, so the music is way too clubbish for my taste. Club music is okay sometimes, but often the highs that get you going slow down to awkward moments of everyone kinda standing around not knowing what to do with themselves. I hate that!

I’ve found during my vacation weeks that Tuesdays and Thursdays are the best nights for music there. Both are themed nights, “Twink Tuesdays” and “Campus Thursdays,” so obviously they both attract a younger crowd than on the weekends. Us ‘older’ folks (I’m not old, nah!) work for a living and we have to reserve our fun for the weekends, but when I’ve had the opportunity to go on either of these nights, I’ve always had great fun.


Ad for Twink Tuesdays at Splash

Weekend nights at Splash are definitely a crapshoot. I’ve had both good and bad experiences on Fridays and Saturdays, and I can say with certainty that the music is usually what makes it good or bad for me. On Saturday nights, downstairs is always the place for the good stuff, musically. The only problem there is that there’s not too much space for dancing, especially when it gets too crowded, which it often does. I once had an argument with the deejay because he said I was knocking into his setup, which I wasn’t. They’ve since moved him to another area to make room for more dancers.


F-Word Fridays at Splash

Last Night

Last night was a strange night, but overall it was good. Since we changed the clocks, the night would be an hour shorter than normal, something that I always hated as a club goer. When I got there I followed my normal routine, going downstairs to my favorite bartender for a starter and then heading back upstairs to dance. When I got upstairs, though, the music absolutely sucked! I waded around the crowd for more than a half an hour waiting for something I could dance to. It was no use. I headed back downstairs to hang for awhile.

I returned to the main floor about an hour later and the deejay finally started playing something I could dance to. It was today’s “Song of the Day”, Ne-Yo’s “Closer” and I quickly jumped into the fray on the dance floor. As is always the case with me, this is how I meet people.

As I was getting my groove on, there was a guy and a girl dancing right next to me. He was tall, blond and cute, and she was a short, chubby Latina with big, big hair. It was her whom I made contact with first (flying hair notwithstanding!) . As the song got to the chorus, we sang at the top of our lungs to each other and proceeded to get down to the music. That’s when he jumped in.

His name was Eric and he definitely liked me, though according to Lisa (the Latina), he was straight. Though I thought they were friends, it turns out they had just met that night after seeing some sort of show and she suggested they come to Splash for a drink as she suspected he might play for our team. I think she was secretly hoping that he wasn’t, as I could sense her disappointment at his attention towards me.

Once a couple of songs had finished, we moved over to the bar where they each got themselves a drink and we were able to chat. Eric was definitely gay and definitely drunk! He was whispering sweet nothings into my ear, but I didn’t want to leave Lisa out and so I turned to include her in the conversation. That’s when Eric made his way towards one of the dancers dancing on a platform nearby, giving both of us a chuckle at his drunken ogling.

We spoke for a bit and then I decided to go back downstairs for a drink. (I only go to one bartender, who I’ll tell you about another time!) I excused myself and left Lisa to go grab Eric again. The music downstairs was hot as always…they were playing Chris Brown’s “Yeah 3X” and I moseyed on over to dance. While I was dancing, Lisa and Eric walked by…I think they were looking for me, but I can’t be sure. I tried getting their attention as they walked by. Lisa didn’t catch me, but Eric turned around and gave me a big smile and a high five. He was way too drunk! It was the last I’d see of the two of them.

Overall, it was a good night. Although sometimes I hate going to clubs alone, it’s really the only way I ever get the chance to meet new people, which is sometimes fun, and always entertaining.

For the first time in a long time, I drove home without a thought of him. Though he’s still in there, I think he’s thankfully starting to fade into memory. I’m starting to realize that I never really had a chance with him and maybe its better that it ended so soon. It sucks that he grabbed a piece of my heart in the process, but that’s just life, isn’t it? I just wish summer would come soon so that I can take a break from going there so much. Stay tuned …

Finally, here's one of my favorite club songs. It's called "Let Me Think About It" by Ida Corr and it's awesome! Enjoy!

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