I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.                 

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.


She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.


You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.


I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.


I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.


The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

Read more »

These photos will ruin everything you thought you loved about cheerleaders. Half of them aren’t even girls ;)

Read more »

Spelling FAIL ... perhaps this poor guy should have had his tattoo proofread before it was inked permanently.

There's no going back, especially if your tattoo says "your" instead of "you're" .

Fortune FAIL ... to think, this fortune cookie wouldn't have seemed so tasteless at the beginning of 2008.

But fortune smiles on some. In 2005, more than 100 people shared a Powerball prize in the US after picking numbers contained in a batch of fortune cookies.

FAIL boat ... prepare to go overboard the moment you step on this ship.

Even though strong winds and rough seas may have attributed to the unexpected horizontal alignment, a ship that is so easily knocked over is quite unnerving.

Microsoft FAIL ... here is irony at its finest — a Microsoft presentation delivered by CEO Steve Ballmer on an Apple MacBook.

The only that could have made it better was if the MacBook's Photo Booth program took a picture of Mr Ballmer's reaction to being caught out
Stunt FAIL ... trust is key to any friendship, particularly if your friend wants to jump over you on a push bike.

If ever find yourself in a similar situation, make sure you take the closest position to the ramp and pray that your friend doesn't miss it on approach

Security FAIL ... CCTV cameras can be useful when placed in strategic positions — which makes this one about as effective as a chocolate teapot.

Unless, could it be... that it is a sentient X-ray camera in mischievous disguise? OMG!? SKYNET!!

Reading FAIL ... during his eight year reign as US President, George W. Bush's slip-ups were the centre of blogger ridicule.

One of them, Maddox, said Mr Bush made political satirists obsolete: "It's almost impossible to do a critical analysis because the man practically satirises himself."

Catch FAIL ... one of the most well-known FAIL images is of a dog completely missing a tennis ball during a game of catch.

The picture of the poor pooch begs the question — did the owner deliberately set his pet up for a FAIL or was the dog just unlucky?

Secrecy FAIL ... this sign pointing to a "Secret Nuclear Bunker" is in plain view for everyone to see on the outskirts of London.

Funny enough on first glance, however the military bunker, which can fit up to 600 military and civilian personnel, is actually a tourist attraction.


News FAIL ... nobody's perfect, including us. Somehow it just didn't seem right to poke fun at everyone else without including one of our own stuff-ups.

Visit 13above For More Fun

Read more »

VAN WILDER [2002] : "You shouldn't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive."

ROAD TRIP [2000] : "Think about it, Josh, you're in college. The window of opportunity to drink and do drugs and take advantage of young girls is getting smaller by the day."

PCU [1994] : "No, I'm not talking about human sacrifice . . . I'm talking about something we used to do every Saturday night as a matter of principle. Here's a hint: legions of hand-stamped meatheads and 'Coed Naked' lacrosse T-shirts power chugging watered-down meister chow, regurgitating on the blue-matted floor . . ."

HORSE FEATHERS [1932] : "Why don't you go home to your wife? I'll tell you what, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement she'll never know the difference."

THE NUTTY PROFESSOR [1963] :

—"And I always say that to love yourself is the beginning of a life-long romance. And after watching you, I know that you and you will be happy together."

—"Just a minute, sweetheart. I don't recall dismissing you."

—"You rude, discourteous egomaniac!"

—"You're crazy about me, right? And I can understand it. Only this morning, looking in the mirror before shaving, I enjoyed seeing what I saw so much I couldn't tear myself away."

THE SURE THING [1985] : "What the hell's wrong with being stupid once in awhile? Does everything you do always have to be sensible? . . . Didn't you ever get really shitfaced and maybe make a complete fool of yourself and still have an excellent time?"

BACK TO SCHOOL [1986] : "Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out. And then bring one every 10 minutes."

REVENGE OF THE NERDS [1984] :

—"Wait, would you rather live in the ascendancy of a civilization or during its decline?"

—"Poindexter, do you wanna fuck, or not?"

—"OK."

OLD SCHOOL [2003] : "Well, uh I guess I, deep down, am feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly you get married and you're supposed to be this entirely different guy. I don't feel different. I mean, take yesterday for example. We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I sort of think well maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about . . ."

ANIMAL HOUSE [1978] :

—"What the fuck happened to the Delta I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? This could be the greatest night of our lives, but you're gonna let is be the worst. 'Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble.' Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedemeyer . . ."

—"Dead! Bluto's right. Psychotic, but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part."

Visit 13above For More Fun

Read more »