TIGER BLOOD !!!!!

As I walked into the bar, there was only one seat. So I sat down next to some guy muttering under his breath.  "I should of had them all shot; maggots, worms!!!" As the bartender walked over to me I looked in his glazed green eyes.  He shouted above the music "what will you have!" Suddenly the guy next to me shouted "He'll have what I'm drinking - TIGERS BLOOD!"  He reached into a well worn wallet and pulled out a $100 dollar bill and began shouting "At the end of the day it's about commerce and money! Their trolls! Trolls I tell you! Retarded zombies that say they could treat me! I'am a winner damn it! A winner, winning!" 
     I looked at his face and suddenly I realized and yelled at him "your that guy on one and a half men.  Your Charlie Sheen!"
"I'm the Warlock damn it, and that's Two and a half men you idiot!" he retorted. 
     Sitting there in amazement I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder.  I turned to see who it was.  There stood Jim Tressel, coach of THE Ohio State football team, decked out in one of the schools football jerseys. "Wanna dance young man?"  Without a second thought Charlie jumped to his feet and said "I'll take that proposal" as he grabbed Jim's hand and rushed him to the dance floor. 
     There I sit on my stool dumbfounded at what I had just witnessed.  "F*#k!!! What the hell is going on here?"  The next thing I know, my nose is being assulted by the heavy scent of cheap perfume.  And there she stood, raven haired and boobs the size of New York.  I had heard tales but nothing prepared me for what happened next.  Scanning her from cheek to cheek, I couldly barely speak, that ass is for real!  It was the one, the only Kim K. in the flesh.  "HAVE YOU HEARD MY NEW CD?" and with that she lets out a banshee's wail.  It shatters my glass of TIGERS BLOOD.
     Now the bartender is covering his ears as he asks me if the lady would like a drink and I another?  Finally she stops and asks me "what do you think?"  I replied "I hope you got paid up front!"  With that she yelled "you could have had me all night, but you blew it buddy!".  She turns and walks away.
     A sweaty hand again grabs my shoulder.  It's Charlie this time.  Now what, I think to myself.  Charlie begins to quote Laozi..."Dao is the softest thing in the world, but it can overcome the hardest thing in the world." The next thing I hear is Charlie screaming ....

"MORE TIGER BLOOD, MORE TIGER BLOOD!!!"