As I walked into the bar, there was only one seat. So I sat down next to some guy muttering under his breath.  "I should of had them all shot; maggots, worms!!!" As the bartender walked over to me I looked in his glazed green eyes.  He shouted above the music "what will you have!" Suddenly the guy next to me shouted "He'll have what I'm drinking - TIGERS BLOOD!"  He reached into a well worn wallet and pulled out a $100 dollar bill and began shouting "At the end of the day it's about commerce and money! Their trolls! Trolls I tell you! Retarded zombies that say they could treat me! I'am a winner damn it! A winner, winning!" 
     I looked at his face and suddenly I realized and yelled at him "your that guy on one and a half men.  Your Charlie Sheen!"
"I'm the Warlock damn it, and that's Two and a half men you idiot!" he retorted. 
     Sitting there in amazement I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder.  I turned to see who it was.  There stood Jim Tressel, coach of THE Ohio State football team, decked out in one of the schools football jerseys. "Wanna dance young man?"  Without a second thought Charlie jumped to his feet and said "I'll take that proposal" as he grabbed Jim's hand and rushed him to the dance floor. 
     There I sit on my stool dumbfounded at what I had just witnessed.  "F*#k!!! What the hell is going on here?"  The next thing I know, my nose is being assulted by the heavy scent of cheap perfume.  And there she stood, raven haired and boobs the size of New York.  I had heard tales but nothing prepared me for what happened next.  Scanning her from cheek to cheek, I couldly barely speak, that ass is for real!  It was the one, the only Kim K. in the flesh.  "HAVE YOU HEARD MY NEW CD?" and with that she lets out a banshee's wail.  It shatters my glass of TIGERS BLOOD.
     Now the bartender is covering his ears as he asks me if the lady would like a drink and I another?  Finally she stops and asks me "what do you think?"  I replied "I hope you got paid up front!"  With that she yelled "you could have had me all night, but you blew it buddy!".  She turns and walks away.
     A sweaty hand again grabs my shoulder.  It's Charlie this time.  Now what, I think to myself.  Charlie begins to quote Laozi..."Dao is the softest thing in the world, but it can overcome the hardest thing in the world." The next thing I hear is Charlie screaming ....

"MORE TIGER BLOOD, MORE TIGER BLOOD!!!"

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 JUICY KISS

Ingredients
1 oz Captain Morgan® Parrot Bay coconut rum
3 ounces mango juice
1 oz pineapple juice 
1 oz 7-UP® soft drink

Combine first 3 ingredients in shaker and shake well. Next add some ice to glass, followed by 7-up, and top off mis from shaker. 

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Ingredients:
2 oz. Grey Goose Vodka

2 oz. Beefeater Gin

1 oz. Cuervo Tequila

1 oz. Sweet Vermouth

Lemon slices

Mixing directions:

Pour over ice into shaker.  Shake vigorously.  Pour into large goblet style glass.  Garnish with two slices of lemon.

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      As I sit here wondering about my life, the screen opens up to people trying to find themselves loving life and knowing that darkness was all that held their fate.  A break here or there would have been great, but the gods often laugh at fools. No money no fame! Just another pair of jerks walking down a path that leads to nowhere. We could see the lights on the neon sign, on the road up ahead flashing FOOD& BEER.  Then it happened; a naked woman running right pass us into the darkness with a crazy man in hot pursuit, then he stopped and turned on a dime.  I said "Charlie, it's you!"  He kept screaming "Tiger blood, Tiger blood! Come back here, your a Goddess, your a Goddess!" Then he says to me "Hahn, C. C. Hahn, where did you come form man?  Here take this, take this!" and he hands me two benjamins and then runs off into the darkness, still chasing his Goddess. 
     I never told Sally I didn't have two nickels in my pocket.  Now thanks to Charlie, I can afford to feed my own Goddess.  As Sally and I walked to the diner, I strolled up to the bar and I shouted I'll have two TIGER BLOODS please!  The bartender turns and says "you're one of his friends?  Look there'll be no Tiger Blood in here tonight unless I see cash, right here, right now!"  I pulled a benjamin outa my pocket and slapped it on the counter and I said "Here will this do?  Now give me two cheeseburgers delux with that Tiger Blood and make it pronto!"  As the bartender pulled back from the counter he yelled " Yes Sir Mr. Benny!"  Cold and wet, Sally turned to me and said "your the luckiest man on earth!"  I turned to her and looked at those beautiful ruby lips and said "That's cause I got you Babe!"  I watched her walk to the juke box and slip in a dollar.  The next thing I heard drifting through the air was Knights in White Satin......Then suddenly I heard a voice behind me screaming WINNING...WINNING...it was Charlie with his Goddess draped over his shoulder.  He comes to the table and leans in to me, the plump a#s of his Goddess staring me in the face.  "So this is what success smells like !!!!"

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SWEET VICTORY

     Ingredients
3 oz. Graham's Six Grapes Reserve Port
1 oz.  Black Bottle Brandy 
½ oz. Triple Sec
Juice of 1 Lemon
1 tsp. Sugar
1 Slice lemon


     Preparation
Shake all ingredients, except Port, with ice. Strain into a Collins glass over ice cubes. Top with Port, add the slice of lemon, and serve.

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