A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
Milton Berle


Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastram on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
Milton Berle

I live to laugh, and I laugh to live. Milton Berle If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. Milton Berle Laughter is an instant vacation. Milton Berle



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Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Jack Benny

Gags die, humor doesn't.
Jack Benny

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
Jack Benny

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
Jack Benny

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.
Jack Benny

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.
Jack Benny

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Jack Benny

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.
Jack Benny

Modesty is my best quality.
Jack Benny

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.
Jack Benny

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A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
Jerry Seinfeld

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
Jerry Seinfeld

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
Jerry Seinfeld

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Jerry Seinfeld

Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.
Jerry Seinfeld

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
Jerry Seinfeld

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
Jerry Seinfeld

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
Jerry Seinfeld

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
Jerry Seinfeld

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
Jerry Seinfeld

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
Jerry Seinfeld

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.
Jerry Seinfeld

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!
Jerry Seinfeld

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
Jerry Seinfeld

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."
Jerry Seinfeld

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.
Jerry Seinfeld

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
Jerry Seinfeld

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
Jerry Seinfeld

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     Anthony Newley arrived on this earth September 24, 1931.  London Born, he survived the Luftwaffe bombings during the Blitz and made his first appearance in a film role in 1948, in Perter Ustinov's "Vice Versa".  He followed up with the part of the "The Artful Dodger" in a David Lean's production of "Oliver Twist". 
     As a vocalist, Newley found his voice with the song "I've waited so Long", which charted to #3 in England.  During the 1960's he wrote hit songs for the likes of Shirley Bassey, Tony Bennett, and Sammy Davis, Jr.  He enjoyed great success as an actor on the stages of London's West End and Broadway, as well as in Hollywood films and as a frequent guest on American Television, appearing on such shows as Merv Griffin.

     Through the years the Master Showman compiled a catalog of performances and albums.  Here is a sampling of his best work starting with:  Cranks" in 1955, followed over the years by Love is a Now & Then Thing, Tony, In My Solitude, 1966's Who Can I Turn to, The Genius of Anthony Newley, Anthony Newley Sings Songs from Doctor Doolittle, For You, Ain't It Funny, The Singers and His Songs, 1985's "Mr Personality and last but not least, 1992's Too Much Woman.  A number of compilation albums have been released since his death in April 1999.

      His unique style and presence has not went unnoticed.  Entertainers such as entertainer/singer David Bowie, known for his magnificent album "Station to Station", and Actor Johnny Depp of "Alice and Wonderland" and "Pirates of the Carribbean" stake claim to careers that were deeply influenced by the late Anthony Newley. 

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Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Groucho Marx

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Groucho Marx

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Groucho Marx

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Groucho Marx

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    I remember a lot of things before I was even born. I remember going to a picnic with my father and coming home with my mother.

             Foster Brooks

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